❤️ HOW TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF AFTER A HEARTBREAK ❤️
Breakups are painful.
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As much as they hurt, they can also be the beginning of a new chapter.
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Falling in love is one of the most beautiful feelings on the planet. You find each other and love every single thing about each other. You become a team together, you fall into this love bubble you create together.
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You become each other’s whole world, everything and everyone to one another. You forget how you even lived before meeting this person. You love so deeply that you’d do anything for each other.
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Then for whatever reason, that love bubble pops, you come back to reality. You see parts in this person you don’t like. You either blame the person for not being who you want them to be OR you own the fact that it’s something actually you need to be working on so you hold each other and work through it together.
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It’s never one thing. It’s the accumulation of little things that leads to breakups. And it hurts. It can feel like this beautiful love you shared is gone overnight and you left with nothing. You might go into the story of the love you shared wasn’t real, you were betrayed, you will never be loved again, men can’t be trusted, they abandon you etc.
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The truth is, when you’re falling in love, you’re falling in love with aspects of yourself. You love yourself through loving the other person. The other person is just you, an aspect of you. When you love those qualities in them, you love the same in yourself ❤️
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The love you shared is always there, it’s never lost. The problem is, you make it about the person. When they are out of the equation, it feels as if the love is gone. It’s not. It shows you what love can feel like so you can feel it with yourself and others.
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After a breakup, you have two choices:
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✨Are you going to close your heart and give up on love?
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✨Or are you going to keep your heart open and love again and again?
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Mark Nepo says in the documentary, Power of the Heart, heart grows through breaking, like muscles. It’s agony in the moment, it hurts. But the heart says, “Give me more.” It’s about coming back to love, finding acceptance and forgiveness.
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When you close your heart, it can feel like protecting yourself from being hurt but you’re also closing yourself to the love, magic, happiness and all there is in life. There is a risk of your heart being broken again, but the cost you pay when you keep your heart closed is much bigger.
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Nearly throughout last year, I went through a painful breakup. We chose to seperate in a way we hold each other in our sadness and grief as we wanted to be in each other’s life forever as close friends. It was hard because we literally exposed ourselves to feel rather than numbing. It brought up loads of other stuff I avoided looking at before. It wasn’t a straight line where I felt it for three days and that was it. It was more like a cycle where some days I felt free and empowered, some days, I felt sad and heartbroken until one day, I wasn’t sad anymore.
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I had my doubts creeping in, “How can you let this go? Will you find this love again?” When you let go of something not knowing what will come, that in between space can feel scary. Wherever there is space, universe will bring in something. You just don’t know it yet.
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Filling that space doesn’t have to be being with someone else. Be with yourself first, take care of yourself first rather than expecting someone to do that. You can go straight back into another relationship that makes you feel better. This could be a distraction from feeling. When that new connection ends, there you will find your pain, waiting to be felt. That’s all it wants, to be felt.
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Here are some steps to bring you back to your own love when you feel heartbroken:
- Close your eyes.
- Take 4 deep breaths.
- Notice what emotion is present in you? Allow yourself to feel it knowing it’s safe to feel it.
- Which memory is it bringing up in you? When was the first time you felt this?
- Now see the 4 year old you. How does she feel? What does she need to hear from you? Tell her she’s loved, whole and beautiful as she is. No one’s behaviour can change that.
- Place your hand on your heart.
- Imagine bringing down your awareness into your heart space. Take a deep breath into your heart. What is your heart telling you?
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No one’s behaviour or words can change who you are. The way they treat you says more about who they are. It doesn’t mean anything about you but it shows you what you believe about yourself. It shows you about your wounded self and Ego. It’s not who you truly are. The reason it’s happening is to show you a lesson that needs to be learnt, a boundary needs to be put or a change that needs to be made.
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If you’re resistant to self-love, start with self-respect and self-honour. Treat yourself with respect and honouring of your needs. When you do, all the people who don’t treat you well will start vanishing from your reality and you won’t compromise for any less than you deserve.
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"Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love." - Brene Brown
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Forget about everyone else. Only you matter. Everyone else is a gateway to you, to learn more about yourself and love yourself even more.
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Explore what you love. What brings you joy? What comes naturally to you? What excites you the most? What would you do for the rest of your life if you weren’t paid to do it? What do people say you’re good at?
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Know that you’re healing, growing, learning and expanding your capacity to receive and give love ☺️
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Love you ❤️
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